There’s been a dark cloud hanging over my house for the last week. I haven’t really felt up to sharing about it, nor do I entirely feel comfortable sharing now. Yet, I want to say something here, especially since it might come up in the future. Don’t worry, this post won’t be all doom and gloom.
Last Friday, Jesse and I found out that one of our good friends was brutally murdered by his ex-wife’s boyfriend. His five-year-old son, of whom he had full custody, is said to be safe, presumably with the ex-wife, but I’m hoping he’s with his grandmother. We learned, and are still learning, the details of what happened to our friend via out-of-state newspapers. Seeing horrific details in print, that describe atrocious actions done to one of your good friends, is surreal to say the least.
Needless to say, Jesse and I are trying to figure out how to cope with our emotions. These aren’t the typical feelings of sadness and loss that derive from losing a friend to a motorcycle accident (which is what Jesse first assumed had happened when he heard about the death). No, hopefully, eventually, those will be the sole emotions remaining. What Jesse (and I, to a lesser extent) is dealing with is extreme, “I want to rip him apart”, anger. Because a great injustice has been dealt to our friend, a very caring and kind person who was the best dad anyone could ask for. And how awful is it going to be for his little boy, having to grow up under these gruesome and unfair events? So, we’re angry, confused, and starting to come out of the shock.
Eventually, there will be a fund set up for his son, and when that goes into effect, you will probably see something about it here. Because, I figure, the only thing to do in this situation, the only way to get past the hate and anger, is to combat it with love. I think I read that over at Lucy’s Football last week, which was definitely well-timed in my situation. So, I’m going to do whatever I can to help that little boy who was so loved and cared for by his father. I’ll probably ask you all to help in whatever way you can as well. Until then, Jesse and I are coping, trying to find some sense of normalcy.
Here’s a song for Brando and his son by Flogging Molly, a favorite of Brando’s:
—-**—-Here is where I transition awkwardly to how I am coping.—-**—-
It’s been very hot in San Diego this week, so I haven’t felt up to doing much of anything. We don’t have AC in our house, nor do most people in SD, because, for the majority of the year, we don’t need it. But, I definitely wouldn’t have minded it this week. So, I’ve been eating popsicles and raw veggies, drinking lots of iced tea, and reading books. I finished The Return of the King this week (I was sad to say goodbye to my friends when it was all over), and have worked my way through about half of Diana Gabaldon’s Dragonfly in Amber, the second book in the Outlander series. Hopefully, I’ll have that finished by next week. Then, I’ll be returning to The Dark Tower series, to finish what I started in January. The Wolves of the Calla is what I’ve got next (one of my favorites in the series).
So here’s something out in left field that I started last night: writing a really crappy YA paranormal romance. Yesterday, my friend Pat invited me to “Book Club”, a group he and another friend started on Facebook. The purpose of Book Club? Reading, analyzing, and writing crappy tween books. Right now, Pat is working on a teen romance between a human girl and a wraith boy. Apparently, it’s tough being a wraith in high school-it’s hard to stay focused. You know, fellow LotR-reading friends, what I imagine…the Nazgul king meets Eowyn on the fields of Pellenor.
She takes her helmet off, and the wraith falls madly in love on the spot.
He sheathes his sword, pulls Eowyn up on his mount, and flies off to his hidden nest up near Mount Doom. After weeks of being holed up with the king, Eowyn starts to notice a softer side to him, and one day realizes that she has fallen madly in love. The love of the wraith and the princess…
coming to a Kindle near you.
I can’t wait to see what happens in Pat’s story…it’s definitely going to be absurd. I, on the other hand, started my story last night by pulling out my handy-dandy Field Guide to Demons book, using a random number generator to choose a page number, and selecting a paranormal love interest based upon the page I came up with. So, I’m writing a tragic love story centering around a human boy and a nixie! There will be a love triangle and my story will be heavily ripping off Edith Wharton’s Age of Innocence. That’s how it’s done, right? Surprisingly, based upon my struggle with the first 400 words, writing crap is hard!
Of course, the best way to cope in times of sadness is through retail therapy.
Joking.
But, I have been utilizing my own type of retail therapy. You know that I’m not talking about shoe shopping, right? You guys know me better than that. Nope, I’ve been indulging in book-buying of course! Here are some of the books I’ve picked up this week via thrift stores, used bookstores, and Amazon.
For my Kindle:
Shadow Show: All New Stories in Celebration of Ray Bradbury by various awesome authors
as recommended by Heather at Between the Covers
The Girl Next Door by Jack Ketchum
Hopefully, I’ll be able to read this in October. We’ll see.
From a local thrift store:
Two John Irving novels: A Widow for One Year and The Cider House Rules
and Microserfs by Douglas Coupland, author of my ’90s favorite Generation X.
Grand Total: less than $4!
Then the most exciting purchase from the used bookstore:
A first edition of The Drawing of the Three! With all of the pictures! Only $20!
I’m now one book away from having all of the Dark Tower pictures, (remember when I bitched about that?). I just need The Gunslinger for a complete set!
So, I think next week I will be back to “back to normal”. That means at least three posts from me, lots of reading, and my normal amount of tweeting (which is usually <5 per day). This weekend, I’ll engage in my planned inspired adventure of watching local LARPing for next week’s Return of the King-Inspired Adventures post, which will either appear on Monday or Thursday.
And, this is how I’m dealing. Am I doing it right? Is there a right way to mourn? I figure that the best way to deal is to get back to doing what I normally do. And do as much good as I can for that little boy who is left behind.
As always, thank you friends for all of your support and caring. It never ceases to amaze me how kind people can be.













Brian James Freeman
Very sorry to hear about what happened to your friend. That sort of real world tragedy is pretty much what drives me to write fiction. Any writing can be a relief. So I guess I’d say writing a really crappy YA paranormal romance can’t hurt!
Good luck and please be sure to take care of yourself while you’re dealing with all of the different emotions to come.
borkadventures
Thanks. I could definitely see how something like this could drive one to writing fiction. I thought about that a lot this week, and always felt guilty for the ideas that were popping up in my head. It felt like I was thinking of exploiting tragedy. But, I felt like writing something, channeling my emotions. So, I started journaling again, which has been helping with the wash of feelings.
I really appreciate your comment. I think I’m going to be glad that I wrote and shared this here. Your comment has already made me feel less awkward about how I’m dealing with loss. So, really, thanks a lot.
sj
That Flogging Molly is an excellent coping song. I also like Bad Religion’s Sorrow.
<3 you. You know how to find me if you need me.
borkadventures
He probably loved “Sorrow”–he was a huge Bad Religion fan. One of Jesse’s old punk show buddies–they met in the parking lot after a NoFX show. I met him when Jesse tried to set me up with him (shortly before Jesse and I started dating).
Hey- I know you’re there for me. Thanks, as always, for your support.
sj
Sorrow makes me weep every time. Every. Single. Time. But it’s usually a completely cathartic cry.
Definitely let us all know when you get the fund set up for his son, I may not be able to do much, but I will definitely do what I can.
borkadventures
I will definitely let you know. I don’t know that I can do much either, but I’m sure that every little bit helps.
Heather
Damn, I’m very sorry to hear about your friend and his son. There is no “right” way to mourn–everyone does it their own way. As long as neither of you act on your anger, you’ll both be fine in the end. *hugs*
I’m so excited that you’re reading the DT series–is this your first time? Are you a DT virgin? Haha! It’s my all-time favorite series. Love, love, love.
I’m reading The Cider House Rules right now. It’s excellent…and it makes me squirmy…and a little green in the gills (is that the correct saying?). You’ll know what I mean when you read it. It’s typical John Irving, though, so it’s wonderful.
Looking forward to your thoughts on Shadow Show (thanks for the shout!).
And last, but not least, I can’t wait to hear how your crappy paranormal YA story turns out. Hahaha! I laughed quite a bit just reading about the girl and her Nazgul boyfriend. I’m trying to picture the Nazgul with emotions and stuff, and it’s cracking me up. Hahaha!
borkadventures
Thanks for your sympathy and words of advice. Jesse’s dealing with his anger through exercise…I’m using copious reading. It seems to be helping. Much better than putting your fist through a TV.
In regards to DT–this is my second reading of the series! It is a great series and it’s fun to be back with the ka-tet!
I know what exactly what you mean about Irving. I still squirm when thinking about certain events in Garp. If you’ve read it (which I’m sure you have) you know which ones I’m referring to.
Can’t wait for Shadow Show! It’s one of those books that I want to gobble up, but I say “not yet…wait for it…wait for it.” It will be a September read!
I’ll have to share my writing progress with you guys as it occurs. It’s pretty bad. And I knew you would appreciate the Nazgul scenario! Who wouldn’t fall in love with Eowyn. I don’t see why it would be implausible for the Nazgul to fall head over heels for her.
Heather
Garp is the first Irving novel I read, and it’s still my favorite. I know exactly what you mean.
lucysfootball
I’m so sorry to hear about your friend. I don’t know that there’s any right way to deal with things like this, or if anyone knows how to deal with them – I think you do whatever you can to get you through, you know? I hope you’re ok. Sending you good thoughts.
I started “Shadow Show” yesterday and am already loving it. I think it’ll be a great choice for you in October! And I’m a huge huge HUGE Irving fan – I hope you love both of them! Those are both excellent novels!
borkadventures
Thanks Amy. I appreciate that.
And I thought of you when I picked up those Irving novels. I knew you were an Irving fan and knew you liked Cider House, but I couldn’t remember if you recommended A Widow or not. I’m glad I made good choices!
Nerija S.
Oh, Mandy. I am so, so sorry. There is no right way to mourn — you just have to do what helps. Sending lots of positive vibes to you and Jesse, and the little boy.
borkadventures
Thank you Nerija. You are very supportive of me and I appreciate that.
Nerija S.
You’re very welcome.
emmawolf
Wow, I’m sorry to hear about your friend. That’s terrible. Send good thought to you guys and his son.
borkadventures
Thanks so much. I appreciate your sympathy.
greengeekgirl
Oh god, Mandy–I knew it was something bad but I could never have conjured that up in my brain. I’m so sorry. You know I’m around if you need anything ;<3 to talk or vent or just remember, or to talk about anything but what happened when you don’t want to think about it.
borkadventures
I know you’re there for me. Thanks for your sympathy and constant support. It is pretty bad, but it seems to get easier with time.
Coffee & a BookChick (@CoffeeBookChick)
I am so very sorry to hear of such a senseless and tragic death. My heart goes out to you and Jesse and I cannot even imagine the anger, pain and sadness that you are all dealing with right now. Please, please let me know if there is anything we, in the online world, can do for you all in this very tough time. I’ll keep an eye out for the fund as well.
Flogging Molly has always been a source for my own musical healing when dealing with tough times. I can’t imagine your pain right now, but I can feel it through this post; again, my heart, hugs, and a prayer go out to you, your friend, his son, his family and friends.